Last updated: June 14, 2026
Urgent help if you may be in danger
If you or your children are in immediate danger, call 911 if it is safe for you to do that. If calling could put you at more risk, try to reach a trusted person, a local domestic violence advocate, or emergency help in the safest way available to you.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline can connect you with a trained advocate by phone, chat, or text. You can call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), use TTY 1-800-787-3224, or text START to 88788. If your internet use may be watched, use a safer device when you can.
If the abuse includes sexual assault, RAINN support can help you reach sexual assault support. Native American and Alaska Native survivors can also contact StrongHearts Native Helpline for culturally specific help.
Bottom line
Domestic violence help is usually local. A national hotline can help you think through safer options, but shelter, court help, legal advocacy, child safety help, benefits support, and housing referrals usually come from local domestic violence programs, legal aid offices, courts, housing agencies, and benefit offices.
This guide is for general information only. It is not legal advice, safety-plan advice, medical advice, immigration advice, or a promise of shelter, money, benefits, or court results. Abuse situations can be dangerous and can change quickly. An advocate or licensed attorney can help you understand your local options.
Where to start
Start with the safest contact method, not the perfect one. Some mothers can call a hotline from their own phone. Some need to use a friend’s phone, a library computer, a clinic phone, a school office, or a trusted workplace phone.
If you need to talk now
Call, chat, or text the national hotline. Ask for local domestic violence programs, shelter referrals, legal advocacy, and help for children.
If you need local services
Use 211 help to ask about shelters, food, transportation, utility help, and local crisis programs. You can also use the ASMOM local resource guide for a broader starting point.
If you need legal help
Contact local legal aid, the court self-help office, or a domestic violence legal advocate before filing papers when possible.
For state-by-state ASMOM help, use the state help pages. Some states also have ASMOM domestic violence pages, such as Texas DV resources, California DV resources.
Quick help table
| Need | Who to contact | Reality check |
|---|---|---|
| Safety talk and local referrals | National hotline or state coalition | They can help you think through options, but they cannot promise shelter space. |
| Emergency shelter | Local domestic violence program | Space can be limited. Ask about hotel vouchers, partner shelters, or safe referrals. |
| Protection order questions | Legal aid, court self-help, or DV advocate | Rules, forms, hearing dates, and proof needs vary by state and court. |
| Housing problems | Housing authority, landlord, legal aid, DV advocate | Federal VAWA housing protections may help in covered housing, but paperwork may be required. |
| Food, cash aid, health coverage | Benefits office or local advocate | Ask about safe mailing addresses, good cause, and urgent processing rules where available. |
Shelter and domestic violence advocacy
Domestic violence programs may help with crisis support, shelter screening, support groups, safety planning with an advocate, court accompaniment, legal referrals, counseling referrals, children’s services, and help with basic needs. Services vary by local program and funding.
The federal family violence program supports shelter and services for people experiencing domestic or dating violence and their dependents. This does not mean every local shelter has space every day. It means there is a national funding system behind many local programs.
You can search for a local program through state DV coalitions or a shelter finder such as DomesticShelters search. A state coalition is not always the shelter itself, but it can often point you to trusted local programs in your area.
Do not rely only on online shelter lists
A listing can be outdated, full, or not safe for your situation. Call or chat with an advocate when you can. Ask if the program serves children, whether the location is confidential, what documents are needed, and what happens if there is no space today.
Legal help, protection orders, and court questions
Protection orders, restraining orders, custody orders, emergency custody, divorce, child support, lease problems, and criminal cases are handled under state and local law. Names and rules change by state. A domestic violence advocate can explain the local process, but a licensed attorney is the right person for legal advice.
Use the LSC legal aid finder to look for civil legal aid near you. You can also use WomensLaw legal info for plain-language state information about protection orders, custody, and related legal topics.
A court order is not a safety guarantee. It may help create legal boundaries, custody terms, housing protections, or law enforcement options, but each case is different. Ask a legal advocate what filing may mean for your children, housing, immigration concerns, phone privacy, school pickup, and benefits paperwork.
| Legal issue | Ask about | Who may help |
|---|---|---|
| Protection order | Filing, service, hearing date, evidence, child terms | Court self-help, DV advocate, legal aid |
| Custody or parenting time | Safe exchanges, school pickup, supervised visits | Family lawyer, legal aid, court clinic |
| Child support | Good cause, safety concerns, address privacy | Benefits office, child support office, legal aid |
| Lease or eviction | VAWA rights, emergency transfer, lock changes | Legal aid, housing advocate, housing provider |
ASMOM’s child support help guide explains general child support steps. If asking for child support could increase danger, talk with an advocate or attorney before you take action.
Child safety concerns
If your children are in immediate danger, call 911 if it is safe to do so. If you are worried about child abuse, neglect, threats, unsafe exchanges, school pickup, or the other parent using the children to control you, ask a domestic violence advocate or legal aid office how these issues are handled in your county.
The Childhelp hotline can help people with child abuse questions and reporting concerns. A school counselor, pediatrician, clinic social worker, shelter advocate, or legal aid attorney may also help you think through safer next steps without giving unsafe instructions online.
Ask about children’s services
When you contact a local domestic violence program, ask whether they have children’s advocates, school help, counseling referrals, transportation help, child care referrals, or help replacing school records.
Housing, benefits, and health coverage issues
Abuse can affect rent, utilities, food, work, child care, health coverage, and paperwork. You may need more than one office. Start with the most urgent need first: safety, shelter, food, medical care, rent, utilities, or court deadlines.
HUD explains that VAWA housing rights can protect survivors of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking in certain federally covered housing programs. These protections may apply to public housing, Housing Choice Vouchers, and other covered housing. Ask your housing provider, public housing agency, or legal aid office what paperwork is needed and how confidentiality is handled.
For housing basics, use ASMOM’s housing help, rent and eviction help, and Section 8 guide. These pages do not replace a domestic violence advocate, but they can help you understand the regular housing system.
For food and benefits, see ASMOM’s SNAP help, welfare benefits, Medicaid and CHIP, and child care help. When applying, ask about safe contact information, separate household rules, domestic violence good cause rules, and how to protect your address.
In TANF, federal rules allow a Family Violence Option for states that choose to use it. The TANF violence rule explains the basic federal provision, but each state handles screening and waivers differently. Ask your benefits office or advocate what your state does.
Health coverage can also matter after abuse. HealthCare.gov lists special enrollment periods for complex situations. A trained assister or clinic social worker can help you ask about domestic abuse, spousal abandonment, Medicaid, CHIP, and coverage for your children.
Device, address, and privacy cautions
Phones, cars, tablets, email accounts, shared cloud accounts, social media, children’s devices, and family phone plans can sometimes expose location or messages. If you think someone may monitor your device, use a safer phone or computer when you can and ask an advocate before making changes that may alert the other person.
The Safety Net Project has a technology safety guide with survivor-focused information. Many states also have address confidentiality programs, and the Safety Net Project keeps an address program list. These programs vary by state and may not protect every record.
Ask programs and courts how they protect your address, phone number, email, children’s school location, and shelter location. Also ask whether mail, notices, benefits letters, court papers, or online portals could show information you need to keep private.
Documents and information checklist
Do not delay getting help because you do not have every paper. Many advocates can still talk with you and help you understand what may be needed later. For a broader list, use ASMOM’s start guide and emergency help page.
| Item | Why it may help | Safety note |
|---|---|---|
| ID and children’s documents | Benefits, school, shelter intake, court, clinic visits | Ask what to do if documents are missing or unsafe to get. |
| Lease, rent notice, utility bill | Housing, VAWA protections, rental help, shutoff help | Do not give a new address unless you know how it will be used. |
| Benefits notices | SNAP, TANF, Medicaid, child care, appeal questions | Ask about safe mailing and online account access. |
| Court papers or police report | Legal aid, court hearings, housing requests | Some help may be available without these papers. |
| Pay stubs or proof of income | Benefits, housing, child care, legal aid screening | Ask before sharing an employer address if it raises safety concerns. |
Backup options if one door is closed
If the first shelter is full, ask the advocate about nearby counties, partner programs, hotel help, transportation options, and safe referrals. If legal aid cannot take your case, ask for a court self-help center, law school clinic, bar association referral, or another legal aid office.
If you are overwhelmed by many needs at once, ask one trusted person or advocate to help you make a short list: safety contact, shelter or housing contact, food contact, legal contact, and benefits contact. ASMOM’s real help guide can help separate real assistance paths from fake “free money” claims.
For crime-victim support outside domestic violence programs, VictimConnect can provide referrals and information. The U.S. Department of Justice also lists survivor resources by state and national hotline type.
Phone scripts you can use
Calling a domestic violence hotline
“I am a single mother and I am dealing with abuse. I need to talk safely. Can you help me find local domestic violence programs, shelter options, and legal advocacy? I also need to know how to protect my address and my children’s information.”
Calling a legal aid office
“I need help with a domestic violence-related legal issue. I may need information about a protection order, custody, child support safety concerns, or housing. Can you screen me for help or refer me to a safe court resource?”
Calling a housing office
“I live in housing that may be covered by VAWA protections. I am dealing with domestic violence and need to ask about confidentiality, emergency transfer options, lease protections, and what documents you require.”
Calling a benefits office
“I need to apply for or keep benefits, but there are domestic violence safety concerns. Can you tell me how to use a safe mailing address, ask about good cause, and protect my information from the other parent or household member?”
Resumen en español
Si usted o sus hijos están en peligro inmediato, llame al 911 si puede hacerlo de manera segura. También puede comunicarse con la Línea Nacional de Violencia Doméstica al 1-800-799-7233, por chat o enviando START al 88788.
La ayuda real suele ser local. Un programa de violencia doméstica puede ayudar con refugio, apoyo, referencias legales, seguridad de los niños, vivienda y otros servicios. Las reglas cambian por estado y por condado. Si le preocupa que alguien revise su teléfono o computadora, use un dispositivo más seguro cuando sea posible y hable con una defensora.
FAQs
Can a domestic violence hotline find shelter for me?
A hotline can help you look for local programs and shelter referrals. It cannot promise that a shelter bed is open. Ask what other safe options may exist if the first shelter is full.
Do I need a police report to get help?
Not always. Some shelters, advocates, legal aid offices, and benefits offices may help without a police report. Courts, housing providers, or benefit offices may ask for certain papers depending on the request and local rules.
Can I get a protection order online?
Some courts have online forms or self-help tools, but rules vary by state and county. Talk with a legal aid office, court self-help center, or domestic violence advocate before filing if you can.
Can domestic violence affect TANF or child support rules?
It can in some states. Ask the benefits office about domestic violence screening, good cause, and the Family Violence Option. Talk with an advocate before sharing information that could affect safety.
Can I ask my landlord or housing authority for help?
If your housing is covered by federal VAWA housing protections, you may have rights related to eviction, confidentiality, and emergency transfer. Ask legal aid or a housing advocate before submitting paperwork when possible.
What if my phone or online accounts are being watched?
Use a safer device when you can, such as a trusted person’s phone or a public computer. Ask a domestic violence advocate before changing passwords, location settings, or shared accounts if changes could alert the abusive person.
About this guide
This guide uses official federal, state, local, and other high-trust nonprofit and community sources mentioned in the article.
A Single Mother is independent and is not a government agency, benefits office, lender, law firm, medical provider, or tax advisor.
Program rules, funding, local availability, and eligibility can change. Always confirm details with the official program before you apply or make decisions.
Verification: Last verified June 14, 2026, next review September 14, 2026.
Corrections: If you see something wrong or outdated, email suggestions@asinglemother.org.
Disclaimer: This article is for general information only. It is not legal, financial, medical, tax, immigration, disability, safety, or government-agency advice.
Last updated: June 14, 2026.
Next review date: September 14, 2026.