There are five emotions that people go through after experiencing a divorce. Of course, divorce come with a lot of losses – partnership, companionship, dreams, experiences, and long-term commitments. You will have to grieve for some time and move on later. Grief for divorce doesn't follow a specific schedule or timeline. Every person grieves differently. However, there are some similarities in the order of feelings we experience during divorce. They are commonly known as the stages of divorce.
Stages of Divorce
The process of divorce comprises of cognitive, emotional, physical, legal, and spiritual stages. People undergoing divorce don't have to experience all the five stages, or in order.
Cognitive or mental separation is the stage where the initiator talks about their intention of divorce. It is usually characterized by anger and frustrations, especially if the spouse left is less prepared and never saw it coming. In most cases, if the decision was not made mutually, the non-initiator usually suffers unhappiness, confusion, as well as depression.
In this stage, the couple separates physically. In most cases, one moves out and leaves the house for the other. The couple, however, can always reunite until they both get over their emotions.
Usually, this stage takes the longest to complete. Couples engage in inner conflicts and express their feelings through anger. It is when they break court orders and keep changing their positions. The couple gets confused in this stage – they are trying to hold on and call off their relationship at the same time. If emotional conflicts appear to be unresolved, this stage takes longer than expected.
This stage is characterized by feelings of caring and vulnerability to the other person. Here, there are no strong emotions as it follows right after emotional separation.
In this stage, the couples disengage at a personal level. Family responsibilities and expectations change. It is time couples understand the need for taking responsibility for the situation rather than playing blame games. Here, what matters is moving on and doing things differently. The physical and the legal separation can follow after this.
Do People Regret Divorce?
More recent studies confirm that, indeed, between 32% and 50% of people do regret making that decision. Most couples wish they did things differently while they still had the chance.
Will my husband regret leaving me? Probably, the only time he'll regret leaving is when you've been apart for a while. He's given the impression of moving on, and so you eventually move on. It will probably be when you're happy with yourself, looking good, and have a new life with a new man. Let him go. He should want to stay not to be pleased with.
How to Heal from A Divorce You Didn’t Want
Did you get divorced, and you are struggling to heal? Of course, it sucks more than anything ever! But do you want to move on and enjoy life once again? Well, then discover the things you can do to heal from a divorce you didn't want.
You will be tempted to major on the problem at hand. But you know what? That is never a good idea! Instead, focus on solutions. Think about your strengths, your gratitude, and how you can solve the situation. You have to face yourself if you want to get over it.
Embrace the Situation
Understand that it has happened. You can’t undo what has already happened. It is time you stop fighting, embrace the situation, and move forward. What if you feel you can't? You know what to do – take a piece of paper, write down your worries, and put it in your "God box." You will be happy to celebrate your achievements as you go through your past worries some years to come.
Put Yourself First
Even though you didn’t want the relationship to end, you can’t keep blaming yourself. Obsessing over how much you suck will do more harm than good. You probably think you are not good enough. Forgive yourself for thinking this way and focus on loving yourself and getting better.
Address Your Barriers to Moving Forward and Having A Happy Life
Some things block your way of healing from a divorce. It is time to address them one by one. What are they? What you always avoid because they promote feelings of anxiety. Your fears. Address your fears, and only then you will overcome them.
Allow Healing to Take Place
Undergoing a divorce is hurtful. You don't want to accept and let it go. You can't heal if you refuse to let go of your past. We get stuck in grief for fear of the unknown. You are probably wondering if you will be loved again, or if the situation will be over. Well, take a deep breath and allow healing to take place. Give yourself a chance of being happy again.